It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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