just tell him i said nine months
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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