There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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