I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
