My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
