I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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