cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
