Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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