Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
