I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
