I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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