she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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