Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
