never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
it's like iHOP with fire
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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