i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
too bad you live with your parents still
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
