you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize