Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
