So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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