Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
