i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
