but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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