i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
