did you get engaged???
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
