His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
