I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
