Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
