It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
