we have pet lesbian snakes
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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