the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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