You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
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