It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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