My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
false alarm, still single
Randomize
