I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
