Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
