I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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