I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
