and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
