We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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