At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
