I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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