these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
