did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
