He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
