Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
