After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
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after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
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You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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