he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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