I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
