I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
