spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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