If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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