i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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