Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
