Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
