i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
So squirting runs in the family.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
