What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
