I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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