My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
