I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
