Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
