This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
