clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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