the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
