You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
