We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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