tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
