If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
