He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
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How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
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how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
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