bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
