It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
