last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
