mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
