You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
