As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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