mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize