And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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